About
the cover:
In the background is an equilateral triangle. The capital Greek letter Delta Δ (which has the convenient form of an equilateral
triangle) is commonly used in subjects of science, mathematics, and medicine as
an abbreviation for ÒchangeÓ. This is because delta is the initial letter of
the Greek word διαφορά or diaphor‡,
which means "difference".
It is a meaningful symbol to me because my passion is Δ (change). The way I see it, either we can Δ or we canÕt – right? Since I believe with all of my heart
that each and every one of us truly can Δ, my goal is to present the very best way to make
that Δ happen.
Super-imposed over the equilateral triangle is an image of the human
brain. The brain is incredibly
capable of change, far more capable than most can imagine. Through the wonders of modern technology
and scientific research, we now know that the human brain is constantly
changing. The problem is that most
folks simply donÕt know how to harness this awesome power of the human brain
and make it work for them, rather than against.
Cognitive Strategy is by far the most powerful strategy for creating
changes in thinking. On the pages
of this handbook are the keys to unleashing the power of these cognitive
strategies and making them work to your advantage. Cognitive strategies are not new, they
have been around since the 1960Õs, but they have recently jumped to the
forefront in psychological strategies to create change. The reason for this is that cognitive
strategies have been proven to be effective in over 500 clinical studies (and
counting) for creating change. That
is pretty impressive. In a world
that is now demanding Ôevidence-basedÕ treatment protocols, cognitive
strategies have catapulted to the front.
Δ2 is my own invention and literally means Ôchange
squaredÕ. What this means to me is
that using cognitive strategies increases the power to change
exponentially. There are many ways
to attempt change, but cognitive strategies literally leave every other method
Ôin the dustÕ. Cognitive strategies,
when performed properly, are extremely efficient and powerful.
The inset at the bottom of the cover is an artistÕs rendition of neurons
firing in the brain. In order to
increase the probability of change, one must have knowledge of how change
really happens deep within the brain.
This handbook includes neuro-biological information that explains the
nature of change at the cellular level.
A key to changing thought patterns is to understand how they are formed
in the first place. The human brain
runs on electro-chemical reactions and thus must follow the laws of
physics. A basic understanding of
such goes a long way to explain why change can seem so elusive and why
conventional strategies often fail.
Taken together, the images on the cover represent
a powerful, integrative, scientific approach to making Δ happen.
It is an understatement to say that change is difficult. Difficult endeavors require powerful,
integrated approaches and cognitive strategies fit the bill.
Prepare to get your Δ on!
1.
Introduction
My story begins on a dusty, dirt road on the
outskirts of Fort Wayne, IN. I was
recently divorced, living alone, trying to make ends meet. I had to give up my business in the
divorce and was working a part time job, trying to make it into a full time
job. I was stressed, depressed,
angry, resentful, bitter, lonely, tired, over-weight and out of shape. I was out on my bike, trying to get some
exercise (my therapist had suggested it) and trying to think about something in
my life that just might be a little bit positive. I was coming up empty.
I had gotten into therapy, somewhat reluctantly
– after all, therapy was for people who were weak, and just couldnÕt get things together on their own. Yet I was desperate, so I had given it a
try. My therapist wanted me to
journal, I hated writing.
Not only was I not good at it, but it made no sense to me. She had suggested that instead of
writing down what I was feeling I
should imagine what I wanted to be
feeling, that I should imagine how I
wanted my life to be and write about that. Are you kidding me? What kind of nonsense is that? My life is a mess. It just seemed ridiculous.
Besides, it really didnÕt seem to be helping at
all. By this time I had filled a
dozen spiral-bound notebooks with my musings about life. Often I would start off writing about
how crappy I felt, but then I would remember what I was supposed to be doing and switch over to how I wanted to be feeling. I
would feel better for a bit, but then as soon as I was done, my brain would run
back to all of the crap that my life really was. It all seemed so futile; I was ready to
give up.
But then something strange happened. As I was riding my bike down that lonely
country road I began to notice a few things. It was a rather nice day, actually a
gorgeous day. It was early summer,
the flowers were beginning to bloom, the sun was shining and my brain started
to take an inventory of all that was still good. I was healthy (except for being
over-weight), no cancer, no mental illness. My kids were healthy. I had a home, a job, food on the
table. I began to think a bit about
all of those things that I still had. Then my brain began to think about all
of the possibilities I had ahead of me, the things I wanted to do, the way I wanted
my life to be. It was as if all of
those things I had been forcing myself to write about were suddenly trickling
into my thoughts. It was just a
trickle at first, but soon it turned into a stream of thoughts. It was surreal.
I remembered my childhood days when I was sitting
in church with my family and the pastor would pray for a Ôpeace that passed all
understandingÕ. For the first time in my life I was experiencing this peace
that passed all understanding. I
began to cry, not out of sadness, but out of joy. It was a strange but lovely
feeling. I wasnÕt sure exactly what
was happening, but I liked it. The
longer I rode, the better I felt. I
am not sure how far I rode that day, but it was a long way. I didnÕt want that feeling to end. It did, of course, and when it did I was
worried that I wouldnÕt get it back again.
Yet, somehow, deep down, I knew that if I could tap into it once, I
could tap it again. Somewhere in
the recesses of my brain I understood that this was the result of what I had
been writing, day after day, week after week.
So I kept right on writing (and riding). I wrote about that day, I wrote about wanting to feel that way every day. I wrote about every possible thing I
could think of that was good. And
low and behold, it happened again.
The more I wrote, the more frequently I felt those periods of
peace. Again; and again; and again! I was hooked. Nearly 2 decades later I am still
writing and feeling better and better as I go. I should mention too, that, among other
things I have been at my goal weight for 15 years, have quit smoking and I work
out every single day.
Still writing, still riding!
As a matter of fact I have written the majority of this book while
riding. (More on that later.)
Go figure?
Who would have thought??
Such a simple exerciseÉsuch a profound outcome. Back then I had no idea what was
happening to me, I just knew it worked and I wasnÕt about to stop. Today I am a licensed therapist, trained
in the very methods I was being introduced to way back when. I own a thriving private practice and
make a living teaching people the art of cognitive therapy, the most powerful
therapeutic strategy known to mankind.
The difference now is that I know exactly what was
happening that day and why. I have
spent over a decade researching the neuroscience behind what happened to me on
that lonely, dusty road decades ago.
This book is the culmination of many years of personal experience,
education, research and clinical experience, perfecting the art of bringing
about this experience in the lives of others.
This manual is the incarnation of that experience,
brought to life in words that can be understood and put into practice
immediately. My aim is to bring
together research, neuroscience and modern technology to create a strategy that
can be readily employed by anyone, anytime, anywhere. On the pages that follow are strategies
to live a full and happy life along with personal experiences and vignettes to
illustrate the process.
The manual is divided into 3 main parts. The first part covers the process of
change from the cognitive-behavioral perspective and the neurobiological
perspective. Knowledge is
power! The more one knows about how
the brain actually works, the closer one is to making that powerful organ work
for him rather than against.
The second part is a series of practical applications
of the process to actual issues; from managing stress to learning how to think
like one who exercises. No matter
what the issue might be, making changes begins with changing the thought
process. Once the process itself is learned it can be used
to change literally anything one desires to change about self. All change begins deep within the brain.
The third part is a collection of ideas having to
do with the process, essentially a glossary of useful ideas that explain
concepts and facets of the process.
The purpose of this section is to expand knowledge and
understanding. There are an
infinite number of ways to look at, or perceive, virtually any situation or
concept. For any thought or set of
thoughts one has about something, there are plenty of alternative ways of
thinking about it. The more one has
of those alternative options, the easier this process becomes. My goal is to establish a robust ÔdatabaseÕ
of alternative thoughts that just keeps on growing. No matter how many positive ways of
looking at life one can commandeer, there is always room for more –
plenty more.
With that I commence to offer you the keys to
living your life exactly how you want to.
I invite you to read on and step into the world of cognitive strategy - it
will change your life forever.
See you on the other side!
2.
Metacognition
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a strategy
based on a simple, yet profound, premise - thought produces emotions and
behaviors. The root cause of most mental and behavioral problems is thought. CBT posits that in order to
remedy anything from stress and depression to addiction and weight problems the
underlying thought processes need to be changed. Getting at these thought
processes and making changes to them, though, is an involved and difficult
process. It can take a considerable amount of focus, attention, discipline and
repetition to get the job done. In addition to tenacious effort one also has to
be familiar with a process that takes a bit to get the hang of. The process
involves skills and methods that must be learned and practiced on a daily
basis. The purpose of this handbook is to outline those steps from start to
finish.
We begin with the central premise that all emotion
and behavior is driven by thought. Many folks don't want to believe this to be
true, especially those folks in the pharmaceutical industry. They would like
for people to believe that emotion is driven by brain chemistry and that
emotion can thus be changed with drugs. No doubt that drugs can alter mood, but
drugs don't directly alter the thought process. Thus they don't correct the
problem but only serve to mask or ease the symptoms. Underlying thought
processes remain firmly intact and continue to cause problems.
The first step in the process is to identify the
thoughts that are causing the problems. This is a tricky part of the process.
Most folks are not used to attempting to identify specific thoughts. We are
actually quite unaware of most of the thoughts that run through our heads on a
daily basis. It has been estimated that the average person thinks about 50,000
thoughts per day. Not sure who did the counting but I agree it is thousands. Of
these, the average person is aware of a mere 10%. In order to change thoughts
we have to be very good at identifying what is already happening. This takes a
bit of practice. The process is formally known as Meta-cognition which
literally means "thinking about thinking".
We must get good at paying attention to all
of the thoughts we are thinking but it is especially important at first to
think about the thoughts that are of the negative variety.
Negative thoughts are defined as those thoughts
that keep change from occurring. Negative thoughts keep us from feeling
the way we want to feel or keep us from getting where we want to go. Positive
thoughts, by way of contrast, are those thoughts that create positive emotion
or move us in the direction we want to go. The negative vs. positive dichotomy
is not a good vs. bad one. A good way to keep this distinction in mind is to
think of how we speak of the results of a pregnancy test. A negative result
means 'no change'. A positive result means Ôwe have a changeÕ. Like a pregnancy
test whether or not a positive result is 'good' depends on perspective.
For example let's suppose that I want to begin an
exercise program. I decide that tomorrow I am going to stop at the gym on my
way home from work. But when the time comes for me to leave work I think that I
have to get that 'last one thing done' before tomorrow. Thus I decide I don't
have time to work out today. The thought itself is not negative - thinking I
need to get that last one thing done and making it a priority over working out -
yet by definition it is a thought that keeps me stuck in my habit of not
working out. By contrast a thought such as - 'I am going to work out, I don't
care if I get that last thing done' - is a positive thought because it moves
one in the direction of becoming an exerciser. However, one might argue it is a
negative thought because it makes me less productive or less reliable at work.
So keeping the definition clear is vital to the process.
The process of hunting down and capturing negative
thoughts begins with identifying unwanted emotions or behaviors. In the
previous example the unwanted behavior is skipping the workout. Backing up from
the unwanted behavior we can spot the errant thought process. In this case
identifying the thought(s) that ultimately reached the conclusion that
finishing something at work took precedence over working out. Often times the
indicator is a negative emotion.
Say for example it is Sunday evening, I glance at my calendar for Monday
and notice that I have a 12hour day scheduled and I get that little 'icky'
feeling in the pit of my stomach, that 'little cloud of dread'. If I listen
carefully I might 'hear' some thoughts such as: 'It is going to be such a long
day. I am going to be so tired.' Again, one might not define these as
particularly negative thoughts, but they really are as they produce the
unwanted emotion of dread. If you are like most people you will begin to notice
that you have many of these thoughts that lead to undesirable emotions and
behaviors from skipping workouts & overeating to feeling dread, stressed or
depressed. Lurking behind every unwanted emotion and behavior is a thought
driving such. Usually the thought is not in isolation but a member of a set of
thoughts or 'thought process' that we use over and over again to arrive at the
unwanted behavior or emotion.
The trick to the first task is to work hard at
developing an awareness of these thought processes. As soon as you become aware
of an unwanted emotion or behavior you have to force yourself to stop, mid-thought,
and capture the thought. Write down this thought right then and there if you
can. If you prefer you can text or type the thought. Texting has actually
become my favorite way of capturing my own unwanted thoughts. I always have my
phone on my hip so it is quite handy to reach for my phone and text the
thought. The key is to capture as many of these errant thoughts as humanly
possible. What we are looking for initially is the quantity, frequency,
duration and intensity of these thoughts. What will emerge in this first
exercise is a pattern of thought(s) that represent the 'usual' ways in which we
keep ourselves stuck in unwanted emotional and behavioral states.
Most folks have no idea
how many thoughts are running through their heads on a daily basis. One of the most common acknowledgements
I get from my clients is how surprised they are at how often they are thinking
certain thoughts about themselves, especially those that are of the negative
variety. It is quite enlightening
to most. Developing this awareness
is critical to the process. We have
to become very good at Ôlistening inÕ on our own internal dialogue. These existing thought processes provide
the raw materials for building the preferred thought process. We call the existing thought processes
the ÔdefaultÕ thought processes and they are the ones that are causing the
problems.
In summary the first step
in the process is to practice identifying errant, default thought processes
that are creating negative emotions and behaviors. It is imperative that we become very
good at capturing these negative thoughts in writing. This means literally
writing/texting/typing every thought we become aware of. While this may seem cumbersome at first,
it is vital to becoming very familiar with the kind of thoughts that are
causing the problems. Keep a
notepad (or your phone) handy and pause to jot/text these thoughts as they are
occurring. If you are driving, become
familiar with the voice memo feature on your phone. I seem to capture many errant thoughts
when I am driving. These thoughts
are then compiled in a document that becomes the reservoir or collection of
thoughts that will be used as the building blocks for cognitive restructuring
– the next step of the process.
3.
Cognitive
Restructuring
The process of identifying errant thought(s) is
one that, once initiated, continues forever. It is a constant process of
discovery. It never ceases to amaze
me how many errant thoughts one can detect. Just when you thought you have heard
them all, another one pops up that has never been detected. I have been at this for 15+ years and
still find new errant thoughts on a fairly regular basis.
The next step in the process is to restructure the
errant thoughts. This is literally
the process of developing a new
thought that directly neutralizes the errant thought. While this may sound easy initially, it
can be a bit tricky. Many of my
clients have a bit of difficulty with this step. I will often hear the comment: I know what I am thinking, and I know it
is not good, but I donÕt know what I should
be thinking.
This is really not surprising. We have not been trained in this process
and it seems a bit peculiar at first to answer the question: What should I be
thinking? Many clients, once they
have discovered the errant thought, want to answer the question: Why am I
thinking that way? It seems, I
suppose, that if one had the answer to ÔWhy do I think that way?Õ one might be
closer to ÔnotÕ thinking that way, but actually they are not. The vital question to be answered is: What should I be thinking instead?
To illustrate this concept, allow me to paint a
real scenario from my own life. My
wife and I built our home 10 years ago.
At the time we were considering whether we wanted to save some money for
a lake cottage or spend the money in our mortgage to put an in-ground pool and
create an ÔoasisÕ of sorts in our own back yard. With our busy lives, and having 6 kids
between us, we opted for the pool in the yard. It has been a great investment. We have gotten tons of use out of the
pool and we have had many pool parties.
Over the years our home has become the Ôgathering spotÕ if you will for
our rather large extended family.
It seems now that most birthday parties, mother/fatherÕs day
celebrations, etc. happen at our home.
I really am quite happy about our home being a comfortable place to
celebrate, but I am not going to lie – sometimes the resentment starts to creep in.
Not long ago we were hosting a birthday party for
my father-in-lawÕs 85th birthday. Per usual, my wife and I bought all of
the burgers, food, beer, etc. which can get a bit expensive. We do the grocery shopping before-hand,
get the home and yard ready for company, entertain all day and then clean up
after everyone has gone home. My
nieces and nephews (and their spouses) are in their mid-20Õs, they have kids of
their own kids as well. So the pool
is usually filled with kids on one end, young adults on the other, having a
blast. My father/mother in law thoroughly enjoy themselves, sitting on the deck
watching their, kids, grandkids and great grandkids frolic in the pool.
What do I do?
I sweat my butt off, cooking burgers, keeping beer cold, entertaining
– making sure everyone else is having a great time. This is where the resentment can start
to creep in. On this particular day
I was flipping burgers, watching a pool-full of people have a great time, and
thinking to myself – Why the heck do I always have to be the one working
my butt off while everyone else gets to play and enjoy? The more I thought about it the more
resentment I felt: They (the
20somethings) hardly ever say thank you to me. They never say: Hey, thanks for opening
your home, buying all the food and beer, keeping us fed, hydrated and
entertained, doing all the shopping before-hand, cooking during, clean up afterward. We come, play, eat, drink and go
home. We so appreciate all that you
do!! Nope, havenÕt heard that one
yet.
So there I was, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon,
in my backyard, entertaining family and I was beginning to feel
resentment. This is where I have to
stop and ask myself: Miles, what do you want
to be feeling instead? Of
course I would much rather be feeling happy, content, at peace, excited about
my day. So what do I need to be thinking if I want to feel those things?
At this point I had options. I could have just let it build, all
afternoon and all evening, until everybody has gone home and I am pissed off,
picking up empty beer cans and paper plates. I could just Ôtry not to think
aboutÕ resentment (yeah we all know how well that works – not very). Or I could take a moment to restructure my thoughts, right in the
moment, and really make something happen.
Option 3 is what I chose to do. Right then and there, sitting by the
pool in a lounger, I took out my cell phone and began texting some
ÔrestructuredÕ messages to self.
Keeping in mind that I wanted to feel peace, contentment and excitement,
I thought about thoughts that would need
to be in my brain to feel that way:
á
Miles,
this is about a birthday party for your father in law – this is not about
you.
á
Look
at how happy he is watching is kids, grandkids and great grandkids swim
in the pool.
á
Everyone
is thankful for what you are doing, even if they donÕt say a thing.
á
Stay
in the moment.
á
Stop
counting, start enjoying.
á
Look
at the beautiful day, the kids frolicking in the pool, the sunshine.
á
It
doesnÕt get any better than this.
á
Be
thankful for all you do have – that you can enjoy this afternoon with
your family.
á
Think
of all the people in this world who are not having the privilege of doing what
you are privileged to be doing right now.
o
Those
who have no home.
o
Those
who have no job.
o
Those
who are sick and lying in hospital beds.
o
Those
who are depressed.
o
Those
who are mentally ill.
á
Be
thankful you have the money, the home, the time, the good health (both physical
and mental), to be able to do the things you are doing right now.
á
Giving
of yourself to others is a source of great joy and peace.
á
Someday
you will be 85, on the side of the pool and they will be cooking for you.
I probably could have gone on texting to myself
for a good long while, but this only took me about 10 minutes, tops. During the time that I was texting these
messages an amazing thing was happening deep inside of my brain. The thoughts themselves were producing
large amounts of serotonin and dopamine in my brain. The cortisol, adrenaline and epinephrine
that were being produced as the ÔresentmentÕ was building, began to
dissipate. I started to ÔfeelÕ the
way I wanted to feel. The
thoughts I was creating and texting to myself were literally changing my brain
chemistry to a positive profile.
The more I texted, the better I felt – immediately.
But that wasnÕt all. Even when I was done texting these positive
messages to myself, my brain continued to maintain the positive chemical
profile that I had created. Now,
incoming thoughts were being channeled down the brain circuitry I had just been firing to continue creating
more positive chemistry. It was as
if my brain had gotten its ÔfixÕ of positive chemistry and I was ÔhighÕ on
positive thoughts. In reality, this
is exactly what was happening.
There are only a limited number of ways to change
brain chemistry. I can change
chemistry by adding certain chemicals to the mix that are known to cause the
brain to release larger amounts of serotonin and/or dopamine. The most popular of these chemicals are
alcohol and marijuana. Less popular
are cocaine, meth-amphetamines and opiates. Some activities can change this
chemistry: sex and eating are popular.
And then there is thought itself. Thought is by far the most efficient
and convenient. It has been
scientifically proven, over and over, that thought
itself changes brain chemistry, swiftly and efficiently. By using my phone to text these
thoughts, I was taking thought itself and amplifying it by at least a factor of
10.
It would have been good to simply think my
preferred thoughts, but it is literally 10 times better to write these
preferred thoughts. The reason for
such is simple, the act of making a thought into a sentence of some kind
(written/typed/texted) requires that the brain engage all 4 lobes of the
cerebral cortex; the frontal lobe for motor processing, parietal lobe for
sensory processing, occipital lobe for visual processing and temporal lobe for
language processing.
When I texted those thoughts into my phone, I lit
up an area in my brain like a Christmas Tree that houses circuits that support
my positive thoughts about things.
Of course the fact that I have done this many times before, thus
building much of this circuitry in my brain, helps me to Ôlight upÕ this area
rather easily and keep it ÔlitÕ for a long period of time. I literally Ôshifted gearsÕ in my brain
from resentment to contentment.
But first I had to actually create
the ÔgearÕ of contentment to shift into.
Had I not spent the time to create the circuitry that houses my
contentment thoughts, I would not have been able to shift it quite so easily
into ÔcontentmentÕ and keep it there for the whole afternoon. The building of the circuit in my brain
that houses the thinking that leads to contentment has literally been built one
text at a time and I have been building it for years. Each time I stop to type/write/text out
my preferred thoughts, I make this circuit stronger. This
is the art of cognitive restructuring.
My brain stayed ÔlitÕ with positive,
contentment-bearing thoughts for the duration of the afternoon and throughout
the evening. When my company left
(most of whom, by the way, said nothing to me about being thankful for
everything I had provided - per usual) I cheerfully went about the business of
picking up the backyard and basking in the contentment of my own thinking - all
from a 10 minute Ôtext-to-selfÕ.
And if you donÕt believe me, you are going to just have to try it for
yourself.
So how do we put this process together? It begins with integrating step one, meta-cognition, with step two, restructuring. For me it usually begins with the recognition of a negative feeling. In the example here it started for me in
the form of recognizing a feeling of
resentment building in my system.
At the point of recognition I had to stop and actually ÔdoÕ
something. I sat down, pulled out
my phone, and began texting all of the neutralizing thoughts I could come up
with.
Now granted, I have had a lot of practice doing
this. It isnÕt always so easy to
come up with neutralizing thoughts immediately. But, following my example, we can begin
to practice formulating positive thoughts.
This is where the coaching comes in. It is not something that can be learned
by simply reading a book. Sure, you
could learn the basics from reading some material, but the result would be akin
to how good you might get at baseball from just reading a book and not having a
coach. A coachÕs function is to
help a player do it correctly and consistently correctly.
Furthermore, by texting/typing these thoughts over
the years I have been able to keep them and use them again and again. I have built a virtual ÔlibraryÕ of
positive thoughts that I keep right in my phone. Ah, the wonders of technology. With my smart phone I can store hundreds
of positive thoughts that are always at my finger tips. I can email thoughts, organize them, and
keep them in a database for easy retrieval. I am no computer genius by any
means. A simple Word Document can
be used as a database. I text them
to my email account, clip them out and paste them into a Word Document. Each thought, or set of thoughts, gets a
label. For example, the above
mentioned thoughts I would label ÔresentmentÕ. When I am looking for thoughts that I
need to neutralize resentment I simply open the Word Document, click on the
find function (the binoculars icon on the ÔhomeÕ tool bar in Microsoft Word)
and I can type in the word resentment.
It will take me to each recording of the word resentment in the entire
document as I toggle through by hitting ÔenterÕ or the Ôfind nextÕ box. This is
a simple but effective way for even the most computer illiterate folks to
create a database of Ôpreferred thoughtsÕ.
Every human being is unique. We may have some negative ÔtypesÕ of
thoughts in common, for example a universal fear of failure, but each person
has a unique configuration of negative thoughts. Thus each person requires a unique, custom-built
library of ÔreplacementÕ thoughts or ÔpreferredÕ thoughts.
I often have people say to me things like: ÒOh, I
get it, you are trying to teach me to think positive thoughts.Ó Yes, essentially, but it is so
incredibly more complex than just assembling some random list of positive
thoughts. I recently spoke with a
client who was discussing some of his previous experiences with therapy. He was one who initially had the: ÒI
have already tried that É and it doesnÕt workÓ attitude. When I pressed him for details, his
former therapist had taught him to think about something positive when he
started to feel anxious – Ôbeing on a boat, out on the ocean, or a beach,
basking in the sunshineÕ. Good
advice?? Maybe so, but not really anything close to what I am talking about
here. Random ÔhappyÕ thoughts are
better than nothing, for sure, but relatively weak compared to the construction
of preferred thoughts that are custom-designed to directly
neutralize and replace the actual existing errant thoughts – BIG DIFFERENCE!
Nor is this some form of ÔThe SecretÕ, a
popular, bastardized version of the Law
of Attraction that posits the notion that ÔWe can think into being anything
we want.Õ So if I want a Ômillion
dollar houseÕ if I think about it enough I will eventually get it. Again, is it better to think I will get
a million dollar house than to think I wonÕt? Of course, I canÕt argue with
that. Thinking I will get a million
dollar house certainly increases the probability of such over thinking it
cannot ever happen. But let me be
clear, Ôthe secretÕ is not even close to the art of cognitive restructuring.
Cognitive restructuring deals with the fine art of
identifying
specific, personal, unique thought processes that produce specific emotions and
editing them to create specific, personal, unique thought processes that
produces preferred emotions.
It is a process and an art.
Though it may sound simple it really isnÕt, it is every bit as difficult
as learning to speak a new language and speak it fluently.
I have grown to despise the word ÔjournalingÕ. At first, I liked the word, but over the
years I have discovered that the word itself sends many people in the wrong
direction – especially those who have ÔjournaledÕ before. I prefer to use the phrase cognitive-restructuring
or cognitive
editing. For many,
journaling was taught the ÔcatharticÕ way. Catharsis was the idea that unwanted
thoughts could be purged from the system by writing them down to Ôget them
outÕ. Thus, folks were encouraged
to journal their thoughts as they appeared in the mind. Turns out, this is dead wrong. Writing only reinforces, thus I should
avoid writing the thoughts that I donÕt want to be having. I have had clients literally burst into
tears when they realize that for years they have been writing down all of the
negative crap in their heads, desperately trying to purge it from the system,
only to feel worse in the end.
Cathartic journaling is particularly diabolical due to the fact that it
ÔappearsÕ to create a good feeling initially. This is really only due to the Ôplacebo
effectÕ produced by believing it is going to help. Neuro-biologically, it cannot help to
purge only to reinforce. Thus, the
initial Ôgood feelingÕ eventually gives way to feeling Ôeven worseÕ once the
effect has worn off.
Cognitive Restructuring is the lynch-pin of
Cognitive Strategy. It takes quite
a bit of training, practice and discipline to master, but it is well worth the
effort. It is not something that
can be learned in a day. In most
cases, 8-10 sessions is the minimum I would recommend to fully engage the
process. From there, the practice
can take months to perfect. Like a
beginning artist, there is a certain amount to time and effort required to get
to the level of making a painting look like something recognizable to someone
else. The more one paints, the
better one gets at the technique and over the months and years the quality of
painting just keeps getting better.
Cognitive restructuring is really no different, we are using the same
brain, the same neuro-circuitry, to construct skill, style and technique
– similar among artists, but unique to the individual - that continues to
get better with training and practice.
4.
The Neurobiology of Δ (Change)
The capital Greek letter Delta Δ (which has the convenient
form of an equilateral triangle) is commonly used in
subjects of science, mathematics, and the medicine as an abbreviation for
ÒchangeÓ. This is because delta is the initial letter of the Greek word
διαφορά or diaphor‡, which means
"difference". It is a
meaningful symbol to me because my passion is Δ(change). The way I see it, either we can Δ or we canÕt –
right? Since I believe with all of
my heart that each and every one of us truly can Δ, then I am going to find
the very best way to make that Δ happen. Δ2 is my own invention and literally means Ôchange
squaredÕ. What this means to me is
that using cognitive strategies increases the power to change exponentially.
When I was just finishing up my masterÕs program
at Indiana University in Fort Wayne in 2002 I experienced a Ôgame changingÕ
event in my life, and like so many others, it was rather unexpected. I was utterly fascinated with the
Cognitive-Behavioral (CBT) approach to therapy and was busy learning everything
I could about it. One of my
assignments in the program was to write a paper on Ôwhich theory I had learned
the fit the closest with my own personal paradigmÕ. I, of course, picked CBT, it was by far
the winner in that category.
I researched the heck out of CBT and wrote an
awesome paper, probably one of my best.
The way my brain works, when I get in research mode I read anything I
can possibly get my hands on regarding the topic and so I definitely had CBT on
the brain. As well as I was
becoming acquainted with the approach I was also pondering how the approach had
impacted my own life. What I hadnÕt
yet done too much research into was the neurobiological aspect of how change
occurs in the brain.
I knew much of what there was to know about how to
practically apply the theory, but I hadnÕt considered researching any further
into what was actually happening at the cellular level in my brain. Of course I knew about neurons and
synapses and how anti-depressants worked, but beyond that, the neurobiology had
not been a particular focus of my attention. One day I was reading an article in
ReaderÕs Digest about the brain. In
the article a book by Joseph LeDoux entitled ÒSynaptic SelfÓ was
referenced. The article spoke
briefly about something called ÔneuroplasticityÕ, a term I had never heard of
before. The article itself was not
particularly moving, and had I not been in that place mentally, would have
never caught my attention. But
needless to say, it did.
I had never heard this term before, but all of
sudden I realized this as the explanation of how change occurred in the brain
– I had to know more. In 2002
I was not yet as computer savvy as I am today. I had never purchased a book from
Amazon, and yet there I was, on the internet, searching for Synaptic Self. I ordered the book, sight unseen. That book was a game-changer for
me. Most people would probably find
such a book to be extremely dry (unless one was a neuroscientist), but I just
couldnÕt put it down. Leaping off
the pages at me was a way of looking at change that made all the sense in the
world. Here I had been working
diligently with my own thoughts for years and had nearly completed a masters in
counseling, a profession that deals almost exclusively in working with
ÔthoughtÕ and I realized I knew relatively little about how thoughts formed in
the brain.
The more I read the more things began to make
sense. I was hooked. Since that day I have read everything I
can get my hands on that has to do with neuroscience. I am convinced that a solid
understanding of how the brain really works is vital to making Δ happen. Of course I discovered plenty of things
that I didnÕt know, the knowledge of which has completely changed the way I
understand my work and how I instruct my clients. Knowledge is power.
It never ceases to amaze me how beliefs form in
the mind and are simply not questioned.
I had never questioned the way I ÔthoughtÕ my brain worked I just never
really thought about it. I assumed
that thoughts were this mystical entity that nobody could really pin down, a
spiritual sort of entity that formulated, well É somehow.
What a learned by reading Synaptic Self is that
thoughts really consist of hundreds of thousands of synapses, connected in
complex ways in the brain. The
human brain houses approximately 30-50 billion neurons, each of which is
capable of thousands of synaptic connections that occur at the juncture between
two adjacent neurons. As the inset
picture below illustrates, neurotransmitter molecules are secreted from the
dendrite protrusions and form thought by connecting to an adjacent neuronÕs
receptor site. These
neurotransmitters form a Ôsynaptic connectionÕ. These synapses are created each
and every time a thought occurs in the human brain. It takes thousands of these tiny
connections to complete a thought.
Over the course of a lifetime, one can create a whopping 500 trillion of
these connections. That is a lot of
cognitive horsepower. Sadly, most
folks are doing very little to control how these synapses are being formed.
What is important to note here is that each and
every time a thought is formed, a brand new set of synapses is built containing
thousands of brand new connections.
It may be the very same thought I have thought thousands of times, but
each thought is distinct and the volume of thoughts is cumulative. Neurons are fired again and again, but
new connections are being made each time a neuron or set of neurons is
fired. Each time a neuron is fired,
chemical messengers released in the brain encourage the growth of new
dendrites, creating more opportunity to form thousands of additional
connections with each progressive thought.
This is how a thought process grows in strength. Each and every thought counts: thoughts
have physical properties and mass, they get bigger and stronger with each
passing thought.
How do we know this? With the advent of modern technology, we
can now see things we couldnÕt even 10 years ago. CAT Scans, PET Scans, fMRIÕs all add to
the knowledge we now have about the brain.
Neuroscientists historically have thought that the brain was more fixed
in nature, we now know that this is not true. They are actually far more malleable and
moldable than anyone could have ever imagined – thus the term Ôneuro-plasticityÕ
which literally means that our brains are rather like plastic in the way they
can be molded. The tool the does
the molding is thought itself.
Below is an actual picture of neurons and dendrites showing actual
synaptic connections.
So each and every time a thought is thought, it
gains strength and grows new dendrites, poised and ready to create new
connections. By the time a person
becomes an adult, thoughts can have been used so many times that they are so
strong they almost seem permanent.
The good news is that they are not.
Keep in mind that the brain must obey the laws of physics. Thus, the strongest pathway is going to
be the path of least resistance.
Our brains will tend to use the path of least resistance every
time. Of course we can temporarily
force our thoughts down a path of greater resistance (a smaller, weaker
pathway), but eventually the brain will default back to the path that has the
least resistance.
For the sake of demonstration letÕs isolate and
consider one single thought. Since
I get many clients who, when it comes right down to it, have come to view
themselves as a failure I will use this thought: ÒI am a failure.Ó
The above illustration represents one thought: ÒI
am a failure.Ó For simplicities
sake this will be our working illustration. In reality, one thought creates
thousands of connections, but I didnÕt care to really try and draw thousands of
connection. So by definition, the
above illustration signifies Ôone thoughtÕ: ÒI am a failure.Ó
As this thought begins to be a repeated thought,
this particular thought is growing into a belief about oneÕs self:
The red arrow indicates this repeated thought that
is now starting to gain strength and size as the neurons involving such are
repeatedly being fired, new dendrites are sprouting and thousands of
connections are being formed with each passing thought. What is forming inside this individual
is the ÔbeliefÕ that he in fact is a failure. A belief is simply the largest
collection of thoughts a person has about something. Essentially, a belief is comprised of
the thought(s) we have thought the very most.
At some point along the way, this thought becomes
Ôthe beliefÕ or in more clinical terms Ôthe default pathwayÕ. At this point, any suggestions this
person makes to himself come from the strong belief that he is in fact Ôa
failureÕ. When other people try to
assure him he is successful, he discounts this as Ôthey are just saying thatÕ,
when successful things happen Ôthey are just flukes or accidentsÕ because he
believes that he is a failure. So
no matter what the experience, or situation, his thoughts about it have only
one direction to go – down the ÒI am a failureÓ pathway.
At this point this person is pretty down and
depressed. He may get on
medications, which will only serve to slow down the speed with which the
synapses can be created and alter the feelings evoked, but a medication will
never cause someone to develop a new thought process. There is only one way to do this,
thought by thought (the same way the original default was constructed).
What this person is lacking is any meaningful
pathway that houses the thought: ÒI am successful.Ó When I make this suggestion to a person
with this kind of thought configuration in the head, the response is always the
same: ÒI just simply donÕt believe that about myself.Ó And there is little likelihood they ever
will until they make some changes to the pathways in the brain.
Now the thing one has to remember is that these
pathways are not permanent. This is
the beauty of neuro-plasticity.
These pathways are only ÔplasticÕ and can be molded differently. Again the tool that does this molding is
thought itself. The pathways are,
however, quite robust in nature.
They donÕt just simply go away without a fight.
At the point of CBT commencing the above is a
simple example of what is happening.
Again, for the sake of keeping things simple, this illustration represents
one thought (in red): ÒI am successful.Ó
So I suggest to my client to ÔthinkÕ the thought – ÒI am
successful.Ó
I suppose you can imagine the reaction I get. That is just crazy. I donÕt believe I am successful and yet
you want me to think that I am?
Actually, yes, I want you to think it, say it, write it and read it as
often as humanly possible. At this
stage of the game, the preferred thought (in red), stands no chance against the
literally thousands (perhaps much more) of times the default thought has been
thought. When this person, with
this brain configuration, tries to think the thought: ÒI am successfulÓ, his
brain just kicks the thought out as wrong, useless, worthless, etc. Of course it does. That is exactly how the brain is designed
to work – to follow the path of least resistance (remember, it is
electricity and chemistry). It
seems useless and worthless because it really doesnÕt change anything, right? Well, take a closer look. We do have one red line, donÕt we?
At this point in the process, this person feels
like he has done nothing by thinking this new thought. It is literally drowned out by the
resounding, powerful, default thought: ÒI am a failure.Ó It doesnÕt seem to do any good to try
and combat this, it is what it is.
What this person is experiencing is what all will at first – those
first couple of thoughts (actually in most cases the first couple hundred, or
couple thousand) donÕt seem to do a thing.
And why would they? Compared to the default pathway, oneÕs
new thoughts donÕt seem to be doing a thing.
Knowledge of this piece of information is
critical. The above drawing
illustrates the initial process of ÔloadingÕ this new way of thinking into the
system. If this person simply attempts
to ÔthinkÕ: ÒI am successful.Ó They
are not going to make up a whole lot of ground. The configuration in the brain is likely
to continue to be quite lopsided, as it looks above, with the old default
continuing to win at commandeering thoughts of self.
If, however, one begins to write down these new ways
of thinking, something remarkable begins to happen:
In the drawing above, this person has made up
quite a bit of ground by writing. The
thicker red lines indicate thoughts that have been written. The act of writing
down a preferred thought is nearly 10X more powerful than trying to think that
thought alone. The reason for this
is simple: it takes exponentially more neural horsepower to create a sentence
on paper (or computer or cell phone) than it does to think that thought
alone. Writing requires the
engagement of the entire cerebral cortex.
The cerebral cortex is the power house of the
human brain and is divided into 4 sections, which are known as lobes: the
frontal lobe, parietal lobe, occipital lobe and temporal lobe.
The frontal
lobe is associated with reasoning, motor skills, higher level cognition and
expressive language. The parietal lobe is associated with
processing tactile sensory information such as pressure, touch and pain. It is essential to the processing of the
bodyÕs senses. The temporal lobe is important for
processing memory and language skills.
The occipital lobe is
associated with interpreting visual stimuli. The implications for such are obvious.
Stated quite simply, writing unleashes the most
neural activity associated with a thought that can possibly be mustered. By making use of the act of writing,
typing or texting preferred thoughts, one can literally Ôcatch upÕ at ten times
the pace of simply trying to catch up by thinking alone.
The above illustration shows the brain at
equilibrium between the old default thought: ÒI am a failureÓ and the new
preferred thought: ÒI am successful.Ó
It is extremely important to note that this can take a long time and
much effort. Depending on how long
and how often one has literally ÔthoughtÕ the old default, this can take years
in some cases. Now granted, one
will experience the benefits of doing the exercises in a relatively short
period of time, but it would be a big mistake to give up on the writing process
before one has successfully built the preferred thought process up to the point
that it can actually rival the old default. Many times people give up way too soon,
long before the preferred pathway is actually robust enough to take over. This is the very reason that many folks
lose weight and keep it off for several years, only to revert back to their
previous weight – and then some in many cases. It is because they gave up on the
process long before the preferred path was the new default.
This is the reason that weight loss is not even
considered to be permanent until such person has kept the weight off for at
least 5 years. In the world of
weight loss, it may take 5 years just to reach the point of equilibrium.
The person in the above illustration is equally
likely to think ÒI am a failureÓ as to think ÒI am successful.Ó Even after thousands of sentences one
might still be equally likely to think of himself as a failure than as a
success. Keep in mind that the
process also has take into account that one is still thinking plenty of
negative thoughts, so the only way to catch up and make the turn is to
accelerate the positive thoughts – in writing.
Study the above illustration carefully and you
will notice something strange and wonderful about the default pathway –
it has begun to atrophy. Just like
muscle does, with non-use, the circuits in the brain tend to atrophy as well. This is because the brain is a very
efficient organ. It subscribes to a
Ôuse it or lose itÕ strategy. Once
one has successfully channeled more thought down the preferred pathway than the
original default, the brain begins to take it apart, slowly but surely.
Proof of this is in the common experience of
getting a new phone number. I am 51
at the time of this writing. I was of the age that ushered in the cell
phone. My first cell phone was a
Ôbag phoneÕ, as big and clunky as a regular house phone. As technology progressed, so did
philosophy. Somewhere along the
line, someone decided it was a good idea to ÔportÕ phone numbers to a new
carrier or company. Thus, we now
can keep our phone number – theoretically for life. Prior to that, I had probably 8
different numbers along the way. At
the time that I used each of those numbers, I knew them very well (of
course). Now, after more than 7
years of having the same number, I canÕt even tell you what any of those
previous numbers were. The circuits
dedicated to Ôremembering my phone numberÕ have been officially switched to the
new ÔpreferredÕ number and the old default has atrophied due to non-use to the
point that I cannot even tell you what it was.
This is exactly what we want to happen with the
thought ÒI am a failureÓ and it has to happen in exactly the same way.
Prior to having this information I clearly did not
understand how my thinking changed at the cellular level. Now I am awed and inspired by the
process. I have seen it work over
and over in my life. It takes
tenacity and perseverance to make it happen, but on the other hand it is a
relatively simple process.
Even after showing this to folks I sometimes get
the rebuttal that they just cannot write down the sentence, ÒI am successfulÓ
if they donÕt believe it to be true.
They are caught in that Ôshow me the evidence, then I will believe itÕ
mentality. Essentially, they are
telling me I have to believe it before I can write it. Actually the exact opposite is true,
they have to write it (over and over) before they can believe it.
If that isnÕt enough to convince one, I simply
site the advertising world.
Advertisers spend millions of dollars to have as many shots as possible
to ÔwriteÕ the preferred message in our brains. They understand that we donÕt have to
believe something first in order to believe it – that is ridiculous. They work from the platform that we
donÕt yet believe it to be true, and they work hard at expose us to their
carefully crafted commercials which are meant to mold our beliefs through the
process of (yep, you guessed it) neuro-plasticity. We donÕt believe that Budweiser is the
King of Beers before repeated exposure to the information, belief comes after
the repeated exposure.
Turns out that advertisers have understood the
biology for many years. They get
it, and they take it all the way to the bank.
So I
invite you to get busy and craft your own commercials (preferred thoughts) and
watch (write them) as many times as you can. This is how change really happens. It is a slow process, but it is the only
way. You cannot skip steps. The human brain is governed by math and
physics – period. There is no
getting around it. The best one can
do is to accelerate the process to maximum speed and this is accomplished by
writing.