How Many Therapists Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
Question: How many therapists does it take
to change a light bulb?
Answer: Just one - but the light bulb has
to really want to change.
A
corny riddle – yes. Do I think
it’s funny? Not overly so - maybe a ‘2’
on a scale of 1-10. I think I remember
cracking a little smile the first time I heard it. That’s probably only because I am a therapist
and it pokes a little fun at my profession.
Anybody that has been in or around therapy for any length of time ‘gets
it’. It makes ‘light’ of a principle
that seems to be at the heart and soul of therapy: A therapist can’t make a
person change. He/she has to want
to.
On
the surface that certainly seems to be a true statement. I am not sure one would get much argument
about that from anyone who is in the business of trying to help people
change. It is not uncommon to hear a
group of therapists, speaking amongst themselves, come to the conclusion that a
client who has been unsuccessful at making a change… “must not want it bad
enough - if he did, he would change.”
Oh
really?? Tell that to the client I saw
last week, sitting in the chair across from me, tears streaming down her
cheeks, distraught, filled with self-loathing, thinking it might be better if
she ‘just wasn’t here anymore’ because she ‘completely blew’ the plan we had
laid out for her the previous week. Tell
her the joke at the beginning of this article – that ought to get a few
laughs…!! Pretty absurd when you put it
in a different context – isn’t it? You
can’t convince me for a moment that she doesn’t want to change. She
wants it so bad she can taste it.
I’m
sorry folks. The ‘she just must not want
it bad enough’ paradigm doesn’t cut it for me.
I’m not buying it. It would be a
convenient way for me to absolve myself of the real truth – that I haven’t
found a way to help her believe that
she can change. I haven’t yet taught her
everything she needs to know to take charge of her thinking. My greatest hope, prayer really, is that she
doesn’t bail out on the process before I can figure out a way to teach her how
to gain complete control of her thinking.
In that moment I am praying that I will be given enough time to reach in
my bag of metaphors and pull out ‘just the right tool’ to bring a spark to the
dying ember and re-ignite the flame of hope before she walks out the door.
When
I walk out the door of my office, you better hope there is no one standing
there ready to give me the message that ‘she must not want it bad enough.’ I pity the poor fool who tries to tell me
that. It wouldn’t be pretty.
Nothing
could be further from the truth. To
dismiss ‘failure to change’ as a ‘lack of desire’ is about the most
irresponsible idea one could possibly entertain. I want to scream from the mountain tops:
“Wake up, people – that message is so terribly misleading!”
Am
I willing to take responsibility for ‘lack of change’ on the part of my
client?? You bet I am. Full responsibility! My responsibility only ends when that client
decides to quit coming to see me – then I have to let it go (obviously I have
no choice at that point.)
Successful
change is about learning how – period.
It is my job to do whatever it takes to show a client how to do
that. If I am not successful, I have not
done my job to my degree of satisfaction – period.
Change
is so infinitely more than simply wanting to.
Here is another riddle for you:
Question:
How many people who try to make a change, and fail, really wanted change?
Answer:
All of them.
Now
that is not so funny, as far as riddles go, but it is ‘dead on.”
As
we head into the holidays, many folks are beginning to think about New Year’s
resolutions. I have already thought
about a few my self. I would imagine
that many of you are outlining that list of resolutions with some degree of
‘doubt’ as to whether or not ‘this will be the year?’ Will I want it bad enough this year? You’re making me want to scream from the
mountaintops again.
Make
this year different. Before sitting down
with your list, do this: make an appointment to come and see me – free of
charge. I will take full responsibility
for teaching you everything you need to know to take charge of your thinking
for good. Wanting change is only the tiniest ‘first step.’ The rest takes commitment to the process and
a very good coach to gain and keep the momentum.
Don’t
settle for a ‘happy’ new year; make it a ‘happy’ new way of achieving your
dreams, for keeps. Be ‘in charge’ of
your destiny.
Don’t
settle for a therapist that thinks anything less. Set an appointment today.
All Rights Reserved. Copyright: December 2008. Take Charge Counseling and Consulting.
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